We had something happen the other week. I noticed my oldest daughter, who is in 5th grade, had a bandaid on her hand. I asked her what happened and she proceeded to tell me that a boy had tried pulling her hair and as she ran from him, he grabbed her and scratched her hand and made her bleed. I asked her what she did about it. She let me know that she told him multiple times to stop and leave her alone and after she started bleeding, she went to a teacher. She did all the proper things that I have taught her yet it left me feeling like she was still vulnerable. Her words did not stop it or protect her. My first thought in hearing this was that he must have a crush on her.
After I thought more, I couldn’t help but focus on her body being violated against her will. We’ve spent her whole life teaching her to resolve issues with talking and not hurting.
I finally renounced that.
I told her that if someone is coming after you to hurt you and you have told them to stop, she now has my permission to hit them.
There I said it.
I encouraged violence. I don’t want to raise a bully or someone who has to resort to pain or violence to resolve issues, but knowing she bled over this, I finally broke some, thinking of a boy coming after her in high school and her not knowing what to do. Would hitting him stop him? Probably not but she won’t be as easy of a prey and she will feel more passionately about defending herself.
The next day he charged her to ram her and she stepped aside and swung her lunch pail at him while shouting, “Leave me alone!”
I found out he is in her after school violin class and she told me that she wanted me to talk to him. After violin was over I introduced myself and nicely told him that Emma’s father and I are very unhappy to hear he hurt her and made her bleed. I asked him to stop when Emma tells him to and to respect her body.
We haven’t had a problem since.
I felt so fueled by reading about the rates of sexual assault going up as well as sex trafficking becoming so prevalent. This all happened that week. We’ve got to protect our kids, even if that means getting a little physical sometimes.